Storyteller: Shawn A.G. Pendenque
“I began to think about social and peer support work as an art form, not unlike music, and wrote on my website, “Through much trials and tribulations, I have discovered great inner peace in the universal teachings of the greatest Social Service Worker in the universe, Lord God Jesus Christ of Nazareth.””
This story was originally published in Issue 2 of Lamplight. Lamplight is an Unsinkable publication designed to be a home for mental health care providers. It’s published digitally throughout the year, and once in print every October 13th.
Untitled Rap
Open up these prison cells and let your light shine through // it’s you// it’s you // my only truth // I feel your strength of proof // if I act aloof // it’s not the truth // for Jesus Christ you’ve raised the roof // so high is this calling // I’m to look // and see your light reflected here // I have no fear // I have no fear // I’ve been through the valley of night’s despair // I’ve been through the wind and stormy gales // seen devil’s faces // won and failed // I’ve listened to a thousand voices telling me that I’m not to try // to cut my faith into bite-size morsels // to hide my wings // to never fly // I’ve been rejected by friends and lovers // so what’s another gonna prove? // I’ve chosen to stand beside Jesus Christ Of Nazareth // come harsh disdain // come win not lose // I’m on the winning team // I’ve got a pep to my step // I’ve gotta chug to my steam // I’ve seen wonders and miracles too many to count // so how could I ever my faith in Jesus renounce? // in silence I walk this path of rejection // but slowly I see the light of perfection // it’s a bright blazing hope like a billion new suns // it will be so stupendous // it will capture all fronts // I will not carry heavy weights on my back // save this old rugged cross // and these words in a sack // I’m proud to be black, poor with little to ask // just some hearts that will listen to the voice of this task // so I take all may laurels and crowns that I own // I place them at his feet // and make Jesus my own // I take his words as my words // his heart as my heart // I adopt compassion, forgiveness, and grace as truths // this glorious junction of purpose and grace // is victorious functions of hope in one place // my sins to atone // but yet I’m at home // so close to the throne // of his majestic embrace // Above all in my life / I choose Jesus to reign / He is God above gods // He is the final refrain // I must keep decreasing // as I rise up to meet Him // for down on my knees // face to face I will greet Him // I know who my master and LORD God will be // For it is Jesus Christ Of Nazareth the one who died on Calvary.
It Just Takes A Few Clear & Sure Voices 🤍
A Message from Shawn A.G. Pendenque on Lamplight’s Issue #2 Launch
Lamplight Issue #2 is here, and Shawn A.G. Pendenque, one of our wonderful contributors, shares a message about collective & community care in the mental health field—and how to root this care in love.
We welcome & invite you to join us in spending some time asking the central question of this issue: “What could the term ‘mental health care provider’ mean for each of us?”
Six mental health care providers across psychiatry, social work, advocacy, activism, peer support, youth work, and organizational leadership have shared their voices & ideas through storytelling, art, music, poetry, and so much more. 🛋️
Artist Statement
My name is Shawn Anthony Glynn Pendenque. I’m a Toronto-based artist who primarily co-creates with music and literature. I place my entire being in the hands of LORD Father God Almighty, “The Great I AM”, Holy Ghost LORD God Jesus Christ Of Nazareth. Why? Because I have reached a place in my artistic development as a human where I require a curator greater than myself to tenderly host my entire being—all parts of myself. This 5’11”, black, gay, political pacifist envisions a world that will one day be free. I need not claim to be anything, for we live in an illusion of progress that climbs social ladders instead of climbing into our inner workings; higher awakenings of self. Each time there is a letter, font, jot, or tittle, each part of speech and thought is a measurement of divine brilliance and evidence that we have the capacity to keep evolving if we so choose. We’ve been lied to by the structures that claim to be our captors, who masquerade as saviours. So, how does one break free?
My journey into the intersectionality of art, politics, spirituality, and madness occurred simultaneously. I’ve been in the Toronto Social Work field for 30 years, working with clients from youth to seniors. I’ve walked alongside folks addicted to drugs and transient populations living with severe mental illness. I’m formally educated as a Child and Youth Care Worker and National certified Peer Mentor, and have always considered my creativity to be an outlet for my self-care.
While working in the court system, I suffered a mental health psychotic break when I could no longer be silent; youth were and are being physically abused by correction officers. I could no longer justify being content living my life as a counsellor. I felt I needed to make a political statement and stand up for the injustices I was witnessing. And I knew, ahead of time, that I might lose everything—fall from the graces and favour of the communities I was part of. I stood up anyway.
After delivering a strongly worded letter to the courts—for behaviour that I thought was inexcusable—I was charged with 11 counts of uttering death threats and tossed in jail.
Stripped from any glitz—the patina of my hit song “Pop - U - Lar”—I quickly realized I’d entered the world of madness. The very diagnosis that was so frightening to imagine had now grabbed hold of me. I had a clear choice to make as a mental health care professional who was now desperately ill and incarcerated.
Regaining my position as a mental health care professional in the city I love allowed something to fully dawn on me: The story of Jesus Christ of Nazareth is deeply connected to the grit and grime of Social Work, not just Religion. There was nothing pious in the way that Christ worked with others. As a gay man, this was a message that I could embrace with all my heart, literally weaving his spirit into my intentions and delivery across all my services.
I’ve found a balance. I don’t need to be deified as a celebrity. My art simply became the backdrop to my story, without a demand to be a perfect specimen. It helped me learn how to better build community. Using the essence of the universal teachings of Christ Jesus, I understood that this was all I needed—the rest of the story tells itself. I scribed a meditation, thought, and prayer book titled “366 Jesus Book,” which is my love letter to a true Saviour for freeing me from possibly losing my mind and sanity.
I have now devoted my entire existence to the study of what I coin a “socialist faith.” This is faith without limits, that stands outside human rubrics of religion and is closely linked to the mythical nature of Christ Jesus. “Socialist faith” reconstitutes existing political structures and re-envisions the view of the world as one family without prejudice. This is the message of hope I try to convey through my art. This is the message of a universal Jesus, and this is, in truth, the message of salvation. Therefore, we see in Christ Jesus an example of a man who lived, suffered, and died, so we could figure it all out and have a second chance at eternal life. Therefore, my art (regardless of the discipline) is a collection of the process by which Jesus Christ Of Nazareth has been touching my soul. My music catalogue features at least 40 singles and five albums. Through the grace of Heaven, I’ve had the opportunity to share my voice and story of hope to millions; through songs on the radio worldwide and in music via Spotify, articles, T.V. specials, news shows, and so much more. I have been blessed with so much. My job here is to serve and collaborate with other bright souls to bring about world peace.
But I’ve suffered greatly for this conviction, because as a gay, black man, to have such beliefs is heresy. As I navigated the various stages of Hell in my life, I discovered the blessing in the storm. This blessing was always that I’m never to let go of the hand of Jesus, no matter what anyone says. I hope to prove that being super talented has nothing to do with talent, but more to do with spirit and flow—however that looks for you. Even so, the minute I took a stand and publicly stated that the tyrannical slavery system we live in is unsustainable—and will implode on itself due to pride—I was ostracized and categorized as mentally ill for being a big thinker. Although diagnosed with a mental illness, I make a clear distinction between mania and allowing Heaven to flow through me. I hang on to my art, the articles, the radio interviews and all the evidence that I’ve been gifted to the earth, like you! And I let it all go. Greatness is not in renown, but rather in self-discipline. I’m most interested in the growth of my soul towards Heaven; for nothing else matters more in my books. I see the universality of the teachings of Jesus as a blueprint of liberation from oppressors and tyrants regardless of race, faith or creed. He wanted to show us how to live in Egypt and yet not be a slave. It’s a brilliant dichotomy fueling my lifelong search: how the literal energy of Jesus has interacted with my life and consequently led me to freedom in mind, body, and spirit. I truly understand what it means to be “Born Again.”
I accept my mental health diagnosis as my strongest ally in working with clients who are terrified of the prospect of psychosis. We openly talk about medication compliance together, and I tear down the fourth wall that asks me to hide my vulnerabilities. This is done with clear boundaries, of course, but my experience has taught me that the secret to the ministry of LORD God Jesus Christ, when he walked the earth, was his humanity and personal touch.
Seeing Christ through the lens of social work, as an art, means more “seemingly undesirables” are welcomed in. The rules are refracted through the window as Jesus invites all of us to see both the divinity and humanity inside ourselves all at once. This is where I am in truth. It’s the most humble sense of awareness in the universe, not requiring anything save seeing the power of grace. I continue to thrive in the energy of forgiveness, mercy, and eternal love.
I thank you for reading thus far and seeing into the story: something magnanimous and synchronous is happening here, with all of us mental health care providers, greater than the next “thing.” I share the development of a man who is now aware of the location in which we stand, alongside the obligation to navigate our collective hearts towards unity. My discovery of art in many forms is this: the less you try to contain it, the more brilliant it becomes. It’s just that way with my faith in Jesus Christ Of Nazareth. Yes, conventional religion might cast me out because I am gay. But Jesus states (John 4:24: God is Spirit and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth) if I’m not doing my work honestly, then I lie only to myself and forfeit my own freedom. I believe that when artists understand that they are co-creating with spirit, it’s a different level of being. For in that state, the muse is your mind and you open your heart to whatever message is being delivered to you. I ardently hold this position, and as a result I have seen beauty within that can only be imagined through a more divine, yet human lens, resulting in the creative process I apply to everything I do.
Alongside a stunning poem/rap, artist statement, and vocal accompaniments, Shawn shares with us some personal messages for the Lamplight community:
