Storyteller: Jessica Kristy, MSW RSW - Shift Collab
“She used self-disclosure and safe, effective use of self beautifully. No other therapist has given me glimpses of their own journey and life experience as she did. It didn’t make sessions about her at all; it demonstrated her experiences and cultivated more trust in our relationship because I knew she understood at her core what I was going through and feeling. That embodiment cannot be taught in a classroom.”
This story was originally published in Issue 1 of Lamplight. Lamplight is an Unsinkable publication designed to be a home for mental health care providers. It’s published digitally throughout the year, and once in print every October 13th.
I often reflect on the impact one of my first therapists had on me. At such a pivotal chapter in my life, she made me feel seen, heard, and safe. She didn’t follow the rigidity of a rulebook; she embodied client-centred care to the fullest. She shared anecdotes from her own experiences and examples of turmoil and resiliency, which gave me hope and reassurance for my own future. She used self-disclosure and safe, effective use of self beautifully. No other therapist has given me glimpses of their own journey and life experience as she did. It didn’t make sessions about her at all; it demonstrated her experiences and cultivated more trust in our relationship because I knew she understood at her core what I was going through and feeling. That embodiment cannot be taught in a classroom.
I could call, text, or email her, and she was always there for me. The healing journey did not begin and end within the confines of a session. She would email me quotes, passages, and book recommendations—anything that reminded her of me. I saved all those emails and created a collage from their attachments—a small visual representation of what this therapeutic alliance meant to me...
"Whenever you feel your energy begin to scatter, whenever the world is too much with you, allow yourself the deep breath and converge in harmony to the place of peace."
This quote is one of my absolute favourites. My therapist truly understood the depth of my emotions, and as I read these words, I knew I wasn’t alone. For someone to create that quote meant that another understood the deep overwhelm of what it’s like to have a human experience. And when she sent it to me, I knew she also understood. She would often receive these quotes from subscriptions she had, forwarding what resonated with her. The passages always reminded me of my own journey and were what I needed to hear. I valued that vulnerability and reassurance more than anything.
This exchange helped me navigate inner turmoils and motivated me to help others in the same regard. I can’t recreate her value as a therapist in my own practice, but I can bring my understanding and uniqueness, which I hope speaks volumes to my clients. I can authentically connect with them and bear witness to their struggles, pains, and wins, and I hope they feel my solidarity.
My therapist once said, “I’m so happy I can be here [along] your evolutionary journey,” when I shared an update about facing a big fear of mine. I replied, “I’m glad I pushed myself, but I’ll use this as a huge lesson and continue the work.” Doing the work; the work that isn’t easy but takes you one step closer to discovering your truth.
My therapist showed me her humanness in ways that aren’t found in academics or answered on an exam. I believe it’s important for clients to see vulnerability and humanity in their therapist. Sure, we worked hard to earn our certification, but we also bring our own life experiences, which shape how we relate to the world around us. Through our work together, my therapist shared personal wisdom, which helped me the most; it wasn’t about her ability to list theories or techniques but her ability to show up as her whole self. I also saw other healers via her recommendations and received even more care than I planned for. It truly was a one-of-a-kind, individualized experience.
This therapist of mine passed away in 2020 after battling cancer for some time. I grieved this loss over time—I still feel her presence and the lasting effects of our therapeutic relationship. I think she would be proud of where I am right now in my life and that feels special. I tell this story in honour of her and as a glimpse into my own therapeutic journey behind the scenes of being a therapist.
Seeking mental health support as a mental health practitioner can not only create impactful change in our own lives, it can also change the way we practice professionally. I use what I learned academically, but I would say that most of what makes me a better practitioner comes from behind-the-scenes work, relationships, and life experiences. I deeply admire professionals who are speaking up and sharing their own vulnerability. If we cannot be vulnerable and open in our own lives, why would we expect our clients to be vulnerable and open with us?
This isn’t simply a tribute to my therapist’s memory, but also a reflection on the importance of mental health care for providers themselves. Many professionals come to this work after experiencing their own struggles. By speaking openly, we can break down the stigma that healthcare workers should have it all “figured out.” De-stigmatizing mental health care for providers is a crucial step toward creating more open, compassionate environments for both practitioners and clients. This experience is a testament to the profound, lasting change that can emerge from a therapeutic relationship rooted in care, vulnerability, and shared humanity.
